The Loudest Sound
by LadyVibeke87
Summary: “Can you say it aloud? Make me believe you.” And he really wants to scream to the world what he’s feeling inside, but somehow he can’t and this is clearer than any word. He won’t say a thing, but it’s okay, because she doesn’t want to listen anymore.[GSR]


Random angst/romance GSR oneshot songfic. Song "The Loudest Sound" by The Cure.

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**THE LOUDEST SOUND**

* * *

She enters the break-room without even knocking. She doesn't need to. He knows that it's her by the sound of her steps.

She finds him standing by the counter, reading some documents. He looks up at her and his face brightens as his eyes meet hers.

"Good morning." He says with a warm smile. He never smiles like that to anyone else.

"Good morning." She replies, returning the smile, but she doesn't look convincing.

There's something between the two of them, and they know they can't hide it anymore.

They just refuse to admit it.

She stares at him for one second longer than necessary, then he turns to her, and she looks away, hiding her blushing face from him.

_Side by side in silence  
They pass away the day  
So comfortable, so habitual  
And so nothing left to say_

"Sara" he asks. "Are you okay?"

She nods, and he knows she's lying.

Every time Sara Sidle says she's okay it's a lie, and they both know.

"Are you sure?" he insists, and she nods again.

"Yes."

She doesn't sound convincing. She never does. But he's always there for her, silently making sure that if she was to fall, he'd be right next to her.

"Okay."

"Okay."

_Nothing left to say  
Nothing left to say_

His eyes are on her. Always.

And she feels it, always, because there's no other sensation she needs to feel more.

"You're not a good liar, you know." He ironically comments, as she turns her back to him to take a mug from the cupboard and fills it with coffee.

"In fact I've had an awful teacher." She replies, lifting a brow.

There's something they should be talking about, but they can't find the courage.

Something has happened. Something they can't just ignore, but it's too soon, and for now they'll just pretend it's not important.

"I'll pretend I haven't heard that."

She lets out a sarcastic laugh and fold her arms on her chest.

"Yeah, as always."

He feels exasperated by her will to make him regret what he said last night, and yet he knows she had been waiting for him to open to her for years.

"Look Sara" he sighs. "This isn't easy for me, and I know it isn't for you either, but I wish you didn't doubt everything unusual that I say."

"Did you really mean it?" she inquires. There's a light in her eyes. It looks like faith. Or hope.

He thought it was an easy question, but now he doesn't know what to say anymore. "Say it again. Repeat it. Can you say it aloud? Make me believe you."

And he really wants to scream to the world what he's feeling inside, but somehow he can't, and this is clearer than any word.

He won't say a thing, but it's okay, because she doesn't want to listen anymore.

She's tired of lies.

"You know what? I don't want to know." She mutters. There's a shade of anger in her tone. "Forget I asked. Forget about everything."

And now he should say something , and let her know that she's wrong, but his lips won't move.

_Side by side in silence  
His thoughts echo round  
He looks up at the sky  
She looks down at the ground_

"We made love last night, Gil." She bursts out after a short pause. Her voice sounds broken, and he can't blame her.

He thinks it's a luck that there's nobody around at that time, otherwise they would have had a lot of things to explain to the others.

"I know, Sara." He replies seriously. He doesn't dare to look at her.

She feels hurt by the cold of his words. She feels hurt by the distance he's taking from her.

He's hurting her, and he knows. Somehow, whatever he does, he always ends up hurting the girl he loves.

He hears her sniffle. There are tears in her eyes.

She doesn't want to cry, but suddenly all her strength is gone, and she's left alone with her emotions.

_Stares down at the ground  
Stares down at the ground_

His heart breaks as silent tears crawl down her face and she hides them with one hand.

He has already seen her cry before, but every time it feels like she turns into someone else.

Once he believed Sara Sidle didn't cry. Today he knows Sara Sidle only cries when Gil Grissom hurts her.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, and pulls her into a hug. "I never seem to do the right thing with you, don't I?"

She lets him rock her in his arms, but doesn't hug him back. She's furious, and he won't change this so easily.

"It's not your fault." She says on his chest. "You just don't know what dealing with human beings means."

He's relieved by the sweetness of her tone. She has forgiven him, even if he doesn't deserve this.

_Side by side in silence  
They wish for different worlds  
She dreams him as a boy  
And he loves her as a girl  
Loves her as a girl  
_

He cups her face with his hands and makes her look at him.

She feels his heart beat and his hands trembling. She should be mad at him, but she just can't.

"I was going to lose you, Sara. For years I've been afraid to get up and find you gone away from me. " He would have never thought one day he'd get the chance, nor the courage, to tell her all these things. "And when last night I said I love you" he makes a short pause, and his thumbs gently stroke her lips. "I really meant it."

And now her arms slide down his chest and wrap around his waist.

She savours the comfortable feeling of having him so close and smiles behind the tears.

Tears of joy, tears of fear, but they're together, and it's everything that matters to her.

"You know I love you too." She breaths.

He smiles down at her, and even if she can't see, she feels it.

_And side by side in silence  
Without a single word  
_

A tear rolls down her cheek and dies on the back of his hand.

He never wants to see her cry again, but he knows it will happen and there'll be nothing he'll be able to do to help it. He'll just make sure he'll be there with her.

_It's the loudest sound_

She doesn't say a word. She doesn't need to. He already knows all there's to know.

_  
It's the loudest sound  
_

They look at each other and two genuine smiles appear on their faces.

There are still so many things to fix between them, but now they know hiding won't help. They still have to face the most of the obstacles, and they're aware it's not going to be easy. They just know that together they can make it, because it's what they both want.

In spite of the troubles it implies, love has made their life easier.

Grissom slowly leans on Sara, admiring the beauty of her eyes.

He smiles lovingly and his lips meet hers. It feels so good he can hardly believe this is happening to him.

He wishes one day she'll be able to forgive him for what he has done to her, and as he feels her lips spread into a large smile on his, he realizes she already has.

_It's the loudest sound I ever heard. _

_

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_

The End


End file.
